For the past two months, I've been really sick. I've been nauseous every single day & have no energy whatsoever. After putting up with it for so long, I went to the doctor. She thought it was diabetic gastroparesis but after going to a specialist & having an endoscopy, I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease. The doctor told me it's very common among type 1 diabetics. I've had diabetes for 14 years & never heard that once. I asked if I just developed it in the last two months & he told me that I've actually had it for years, it just made itself manifest in the last two months.
I am so incredibly angry about this. I'm angry with God. I feel like he lied to me. In blessings I've been told that if I took care of myself, God would do the rest & I could live a long, healthy life. Well, I'm in the best control I've ever been in. My last A1c was 6.9! A Dr couldn't ask for better than that! And after I get in such great control, I get this! Don't I have enough health problems to deal with already?! Good grief! I've got diabetes, scoliosis that causes severe back spasms and then all the shoulder, hip & knee pain that can't be diagnosed. I never feel good as is. There are bad days & not-so-bad days, but never good days. Plus, I'm an extremely picky eater. Now over 50% of my diet has to be eliminated. I'm so angry that I just cry. I can't believe how much I've cried in the last 2 days. Ya, way to keep up your end of the deal, God. NOT!
I know that I shouldn't be angry. I should be grateful that although it's a chronic disease, it can be controlled. At least I don't have cancer. But I just can't come to terms with it yet. I'm so angry & somewhat depressed. I don't want to eat at all anymore. Everything I think of, I can't have anymore. I'm sitting around & wallowing in self-pity. Pathetic.
Since my diagnosis, the only time I've felt ok is when visiting my grandpa in the hospital. He had a stroke last weekend. It was so nice to think of someone else & not myself. When I'm alone or working, all I can think about is myself & this stupid diagnosis. I really need to start school again so I can become a nurse. I think it would be so good for me. I'd be able to focus on those who are far less fortunate than I am & then not feel so bad for myself. I'm going to start classes in January, I think. I hope.
On a brighter note, I have the best husband in the world! After I was diagnosed, Allan made me a dinner of fettuccini alfredo. I really love pasta & was sad I couldn't have it anymore. He went to the store & got gluten-free noodles & bread to show me that I can still have good food. (The noodles were disgusting, but it's the thought that counts.) I thought it was the sweetest thing ever. He has also since cleaned out our cupboards of everything containing wheat. They are pretty bare. But he did it so I wouldn't be tempted & he has decided to do the new diet with me even though he doesn't have to so that it'll be easier for me. Could I ask for a better husband?
No comments:
Post a Comment